Safety and health in male escort work

The two fixed rules

Safe sex only. At The Men’s Company this is a condition of working, and it applies to every booking and every client, including regulars you have seen many times. A client who asks for anything else is told no. If she insists, the booking is over.

A full test every three months. Every escort is tested for sexually transmitted infections and HIV each quarter. This is a condition of staying on the books.

The two rules belong together. Condoms reduce risk considerably but do not remove it, and some infections cause no symptoms for a long time. Regular testing finds what protection missed, early enough to treat it and before it is passed on.

Getting tested in the UK

Sexual health clinics in the UK test confidentially, and NHS clinics do so free of charge. You do not need a referral from your GP and you do not have to explain your reasons, though telling the clinic that you have multiple partners helps it choose the right tests. Private clinics and postal kits exist as well.

Ask at your clinic about vaccinations that are relevant to people with several partners, and about how long after exposure each test becomes reliable. Staff answer these questions every day.

If a test comes back positive, you stop taking bookings, tell the agency and follow the clinic’s advice. Hiding it would endanger clients and would end your work with any serious agency for good.

Why agency clients are a lower risk

Nothing involving strangers is free of risk. But the way an agency booking is set up removes several of the usual problems.

The client is known to the agency. She has made contact, given her details and paid the agency’s fee before the date. Someone planning to cause trouble does not usually begin by identifying herself and paying in advance.

Your own details stay out of it. Clients are never given your real name, address or personal information. That closes off the unwanted visit and the unwanted phone call, and it makes blackmail much harder.

Someone knows where you are. When you work through an agency, the booking is on record: who, where and when. An independent escort has to arrange that for himself.

More on how the two set-ups differ is on the page comparing agency and independent escort work.

Your right to say no

You may turn down a request before it is confirmed, without giving a reason. You may decline a particular client. During a booking you may refuse anything you do not want to do, and you may leave.

This is more than a courtesy. It is what being an independent escort means, and it is the basis on which the agency works with you. Nobody at TMC will tell you that you have to go through with something.

In practice, refusing well is a skill. Most situations never reach an outright no, because a calm sentence early on settles it. Clients on the whole respect a man who knows his limits and states them without fuss.

Sensible habits on a booking

The following is general good practice that applies to anyone meeting people they do not know.

• Stay clear-headed. One drink, perhaps two over a long dinner. Never leave a drink unattended and return to it.
• No drugs. Do not take them and do not accept them. If a client is clearly intoxicated to the point where she cannot make decisions, the booking should not go ahead.
• Know the address and how you are getting home. Check the last train. Have enough battery and enough money for a taxi.
• Take the payment at the start. That is how the agency’s bookings work, and it avoids an awkward conversation at the end.
• Keep your belongings together. Phone, wallet and keys in one place, so that you can leave in a minute if you want to.
• Trust the feeling that something is off. If the person who opens the door is not who you expected, or there are other people present who were not mentioned, you are entitled to leave. Tell the agency straight away.

Consent runs both ways

Your own safety is half of the subject. The other half is hers.

A client who has paid is not a client who has agreed to everything. She can change her mind at any point, and when she does, you stop. Many first-time clients are nervous and some will want to slow down or end early. Handling that kindly is part of the work.

Never film, photograph or record a client. Never pressure her to extend a booking or to do something she hesitates over. These things are a matter of basic decency before they are a matter of agency policy, and some of them are criminal offences.

Looking after yourself

There is also the slower kind of wear. Intimacy with people you did not choose, on a schedule, while keeping it from most of the people around you, suits some temperaments and not others.

It helps to have other income, so that you are never pushed into accepting a booking you would rather refuse, and at least one person you can talk to honestly. Take a break when the work starts to feel heavy. Since either side can end the arrangement with TMC at any time, stepping back for a while is always open to you.

If you find the work is affecting your mood, your relationships or your drinking, treat that as seriously as you would a physical symptom.

The related privacy questions are covered under discretion and privacy for escorts.